Happy and Grateful – Day 145

May has arrived and I hope it brings lots of Spring cheer with it.  I am in my fifth month now of taking time to acknowledge the things that make me happy and grateful every day… almost half way to my goal of a full year.  If you want to join in on this challenge please add your thoughts in the comments or start your own blog.  There is a lot to be happy and grateful for!

It was a beautiful day weather wise today.  Sunshine and about 70°F with the birds singing through the open windows.  I however have had better days.  Some insecurities and flashbacks to past disappointments… let’s just say my depression was in overdrive most of the afternoon and night.

But this is a positive post and there is ALWAYS something positive to find.  I can think of a few today.  I started the day with good news from a friend.  She will be here to visit in August and was wanting to go to the state fair with me if I was interested.  You must remember as a kid we would go as a family and hit the fairgrounds at 8am… be on our feet almost all day and still not see all of the fair when we would head to our cars at about 10 or 11 that night watching the closing fireworks of the night from the grandstand.  I LOVE the fair.

I have to think logically about this though.  I cannot do an all day at the fair anymore with my fatigue and fibro.  But there are grandstand concerts and free stage entertainment… so we could go in the afternoon and see a little bit and still have a good time.  So I am kind of happy and excited about that.  And it is the BEST place to go to people watch.  There are about a million stories in the people you just pass during a day there.

I am grateful for some wonderful memories.  I am feeling a friend slowly slip away further all the time, but I am trying to focus on the good memories rather than what it seems I am losing.  … on a side note I could say I am grateful for the years of depression teaching me how to cry quietly so I don’t wake up anyone else.  Still can’t hide the red eyes in the morning though – know any good hints for that?

Sorry I am not very positive tonight… ex-wives and alcohol and lost friends and too much isolation all make for a rough day.  I promise I will try to bounce back tomorrow.  In the mean time… I’m going to grab another tissue and hope you all have a good night or day depending on where you are!