It is that time of the week to reach back into the archives and find an old post and try and give it new life. This one was very early on in my blogging. It was just a stream of consciousness blog and I was having a rough night…
The Search for Help… One Word at a Time
Depression sucks! In the midst of many life stresses, I am feeling the symptoms of all I endure…. depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I am aching from head to toe, feel my thoughts swirling like a tornado in my mind, and jumping at every little sound. I sit alone with my laptop and try to chase the feeling of doom with a little music. Try to pass the time with a mindless game. Try to slow the thoughts down with relaxation techniques. None of this is working today. The craving for comfort food (especially some sweets) keeps drawing me to the kitchen, only to find nothing to satisfy and calm me. I hover over my cell phone trying to decide if I should burden anyone with my pain and terror today, only deciding it would change nothing and only make me look even less “normal” than I already do. So I turn to a blank screen and the keyboard. I write a couple of poems to get some of the chaos out. Then talk to you… my invisible audience that I hope exists. I let off some of the pressure I feel pinned down by with each word I type. It is far from a cure. It will not stop the pain. But to write helps distract me in some ways. A deep focus on how the sentence will flow, or to find the right block of words to convey what I am dealing with. The words are not completely right, but they are close enough to slow the flood. I hold onto a dream that maybe these words are what someone else may need to see someday to know they are not alone. Today, at this moment, they are the words that I need to write for my own peace of mind. In short, depression sucks!
Revisited for Fandango’s Friday Flashback September 6
This is a mumbles kind of a night. I have been in a flare and I just don’t have much left in me tonight to write about tenacity. My tenacity got up and walked out a long time ago. No, I guess I can’t say that for the plain reason that I am writing this. I will not give up on my writing, even if it is just a stream of consciousness blog, I have the determination to get at least a post a day done. It is good for my mental health to write, help my concentration and keeps my hands moving so they don’t cramp up.
I started out with the intention to write about either of my grandmothers as they were both so like the energizer bunny when setting out on a task. But I miss them both so much I kept getting off track. I then tried a story about a man unhappy at his job after twenty years being tenacious in finding a job he loved to do. But I got tripped up with memories of when I used to work. So, my mumbles post was born.
As my evening meds are making me tired, I wind down and hope that you all have a healthy positive week. (((HUGS)))
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – tenacity
I am running on about 4 hours of sleep… I am “recovering” from a night of cards and a drink or two with a friend from out of state. SO, my mind is running in some weird circles. All I can think of is the company (co.) of nuns plays drums. A little spelling trick from WAY BACK in my youth. I have a lot of them, I was really bad at spelling. Thank God for spell check!
I don’t really have a lot to write. I do have a conundrum I am facing regarding my current relationship, but I would need a long time to write about it and I am just too tired to do so. There are a million new conundrums that pop up with my Dad’s old (99 years old) house that we have been able to face with good answers so far.
SO, this is just a babbling stream of consciousness on a very short night of sleep. I guess we have all been there before. I promise to give a little more time to my next post. Thanks for stopping by anyway!
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – conundrum
Enmity… I won’t hide it. I had to look the word up. According to a Google definition search it is “the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.” It is not a word I had heard before, at least not that I remember. And trying to write a poem seemed pretty bleak for this word. So how to mumble about enmity?
There is the “easy” way out and pick on the current government… but I don’t claim to know enough about politics to write a post on it. There are a few somethings I could say I had enmity towards… cancer, dementia and alcoholism to name a few. But I am dealing with enough medical talk while I take care of my father and I just did a post about my alcoholic ex.
What to write… maybe it is that I write nothing? Hostile is not a state of mind I usually get to. I tend to stay pretty quiet and pretty neutral. So maybe this is just not a word that should even be in my vocabulary.
When I first saw it I thought of amity or enemy. I don’t really have any enemies that I know of. And “Amity” is the name of an Oak Ridge Boys song from one of their many albums I have. Sadly there is no video of the song I could share.
Here I sit with nothing more to mumble about except I appreciate each of you making it this far in my random writing. I guess this was more of a stream of consciousness post. Maybe you too have learned a new word today. Maybe I just ate up some of your day with nonsense. Either way, my words are done.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – enmity