Mumbles … Garner

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Garner… there are James and Jennifer.  A small town in Iowa that I had never heard of until tonight and of course it means to gather.  And I really need to garner my thoughts.  I am at a turning point in my life and things are going to change soon.  I need strength and hope.  I need courage and dreams.  While some of my friends tell me I have those things, I still wonder about them, especially the strength.

But I have been in a much darker place than “normal” recently and I can not stay there, so I have to take measures to help protect my mental health.  I am hoping these changes will not disrupt my regular life like this blog for example… if I am missing a day or two don’t worry, I will be back soon.  As it is I am slowly starting to catch up a bit.  At worst I was 15/16 days behind, now I am at the 4th so this being late on the 15th that would be 11 days behind.  I am getting there, slowly but surely.

So, changes happen Friday if all goes as planned. Wish me luck.  Now to try and squeeze in a couple more posts between now and then.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – garner

Something New

I’ve felt this before
It is nothing new
A hollow empty feeling
As you walk away from me

I have seen this before
It is nothing new
A dark vacant doorway
As you leave me alone

I have endured this pain before
It is nothing new
A breaking of my heart
As you turn again to her

I will no longer stay like before
This is something new
A strength I feel inside
As I pack my things and go

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – heart

What’s Inside

Can I get a little privacy

A little time to myself

Where I’m not

Girlfriend, mother, daughter,

Sister, or even friend…

 

A time when I can just be me

And not trying to impress someone

Or take care of another

A time when I put myself first

Not second, third or further down the line

 

Maybe it is not privacy I need

Maybe it is a change in me I need

A determination to be put first

A strength not to be walked on

A confidence that I matter

 

…maybe it is just not in me

Walk Away

I am tired of your lies

Just watch me walk –

 

Don’t try to tell me I can’t

I am capable of so much more

Than you have EVER

Been able to see…

 

Don’t try to tell me I won’t

I am ready to be heard for once

Since your ears are closed

To all that I say…

 

Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t

I am finally seeing a future

One you have nothing to do with

As you’ve locked me out of your life…

 

I’m tired of your lies

Just watch me walk.