Stephanie put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. She had no destination in mind, just a much needed drive out of town for a bit. She was only a few blocks from the highway that led out of town. She snapped off the radio as her head and heart were both pounding. He was drunk again, this time at 3 in the afternoon. Did he start the minute he woke up after his night shift?
She drove out of town and took the first gravel road to the South. This road would connect up with another highway that would lead her back to town, but she had a good three miles stretch that was all hers. She slowed the car and without letting go of the wheel screamed as loud as she could for as long as her breath held out. It was a cathartic release of all the stress and anger she had building up. It was either that or collapse in deep heaving sobs and cry for an hour or more. She didn’t want to cry. She had already shed enough silent tears when she showered. This was her one other release.
She took a couple of deep breaths and let out another long and loud scream as she continued down the road. No other cars or people around to hear her and it was such a needed release. She took another deep breath and let out a third scream almost cracking her voice as she neared the stop sign. She then took a couple deeper breaths and, in a whisper, said, “someday this will all end… soon I hope.” Then she turned the car onto the highway and headed back to home.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – cathartic
There are several reasons I write. The obvious one is for enjoyment. I like stretching my creative muscles a bit to see what I can come up with. I challenge myself with daily prompts and the occasional photo prompt. I don’t know how true it is but they say keeping your brain active is good for your health as well.
One of the main reasons I write though is to get out what is inside of my head. Ever since I was an awkward teenager I have put my doubts, fears and dreams into poems. It is still an outlet for me. And especially in these last 10 years I have had a LOT to process. So I write.
There is also the hope that my darkest times turned around to “good” will let someone out there know there is hope that things can get better. If I can even just reach one person and give them a bright spot or a bit of hope, I feel I have accomplished something.
And there is one final thing I didn’t expect. The blogging community. I have made some friends and I had no idea there would be such an easy connection with the community. My readers are a great bunch of people and I thank you all for reading.
I need to go visit the ducks again. The local hospital wellness center has a heated pool that you can exercise in (for a fee) and it is one exercise that doesn’t really flare my fibromyalgia. It is the hottest pool in town and feels so good.
Oh, right I need to get back to the rubber ducks. The instructor/therapist that is there has a rather impressive collection of different rubber ducks. At the beginning of the time I started pool therapy she used to have them all lined up around half the pool, until the new boss said they looked unprofessional. (Party pooper!) Now she just has a few in the corners. They are fun and bring smiles to those in the pool.
I haven’t been to the pool in almost a month now. There was a problem with the heater, so I missed my last scheduled visit because of that. Then the holidays came up and I was fortunate enough to have my daughter share her cold with me so I was too sick to go to the pool. Now I am about back to normal so I can call Monday and make an appointment. Time to visit the ducks.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – rubber
I have always loved to take pictures… even back in my youth with a 110 camera. I saved money I made on a paper route and babysitting to buy myself a SLR camera. And when I was at my worst depression, talking pictures while walking in nature was a sort of therapy for me. Just call me a shutterbug.
For a while I did a weekly Monochrome Monday picture as I really enjoy the dramatic effect of black and white photography. I take surprisingly few portrait pictures, but the best ones I take are usually the ones not planned. But I do not consider myself too good with them and take better pictures of animals I think.
By far the subject of choice is flowers. Even if I get a bouquet of cut flowers I usually focus in on one or two of the blooms.
My next challenge is saving up and getting a DSLR and lots of memory cards to store pictures on. Say cheese!
Someone once told me to “have an attitude of gratitude.” Last year, all 365 days, I did a happy and grateful post every day. It did help me to appreciate the good in my life. It let me see the good through the blindingly bad. It is good to be reminded of that every once in a while.
The last week or so has been a little rougher on me again. I am drowning in stress and it is taking a toll on me mentally and physically. But I am still taking steps forward. I began a twice a week physical therapy for my back, neck and shoulders. One day in the heated pool (great for my lower back, I have done it before) and one day more traditional PT. This of course though adds two more appointments in a busy week.
I continue to see my therapists and doctors as scheduled and find little bits of hope in advice they share. My PT therapist offered many options to do gentle exercises at home (including looking for GENTLE yoga videos on YouTube, why didn’t I think of that?).
I have rearranged my thinking on my appointments and errands throughout the week. Instead of looking at a week full of appointments as taking up the whole day, I take those 4 appointments (at most an hour each) and add up how little of my time in a week they will actually take. It is much more manageable that way.
I am tackling one thing at a time and tying to be happy when each task is done. That is not to say there isn’t fatigue or pain (or both) when I am done, but the point is I am done. Up until the end of September things seem to be pretty well booked, so I am doing what I can to not get overwhelmed.
The good side of all of this will hopefully produce a little less pain, a little more energy and lots of things accomplished. Plus I have a couple of things to look forward to including a visit from an out of state friend in just short of two weeks. So today I am thankful for a day with only one thing I “have to” do and more time for the computer, WordPress and maybe a game or two of Words With Friends. How is your attitude today?
Have a good day/night everyone! (((HUGS)))
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – attitude
Seven months are gone now and surprisingly I am still plugging along with this challenge to post about my happiness and gratitude every day this year. August brings the state fair here in Iowa and lots of heat and humidity. It is the time to see the back to school shopping start with kids dreading it and parents loving it. As I continue my challenge I hope you will take a minute to reflect on your day too. You can even share your happiness and gratitude here in the comments or on your own blog. There is good in every day!
I can’t believe this is the last day of the month already, August has flown by! I just wish it was ending on a happier note. A friend of mine I used to work with is battling colon cancer and her daughter just posted that she is now in hospice care. She has lost a lot of weight, but still in each picture she has an unending smile on her face, She just became a grandmother this year for the first time… so sad that baby will not remember her grandmother.
Today was another day in my flare with more fatigue. I was able to make my appointment with my therapist though in between naps. It was another rough session with too many tears. There is just too much loss around me. But I am grateful I can finally cry about some of it.
My happy moment would have to be when I got a chance to talk to a good friend on the phone. He has recently gone through some family loss and is struggling, but it was still so good to hear his voice.
I need to make a lunch for my boyfriend and then take him to work now. Find your happiness and feel your gratitude. Have a nice night/day!
I had a little of the creative muse flowing through me today… that makes me happy. When the words are coming I don’t tend to dwell on the negative. I may write about it, but then it is out of my head and onto the screen or paper.
After the daily post I just kept writing for myself and added two more poems to my personal collection. Every poem that I complete and am pleased with makes me feel accomplished. When I share one here and others like it or comment on it, it really makes me feel a little less invisible. It really is a type of therapy for me.
So while I still have the muse present I think I will try to write some more. This is one of those split nights for me… I slept a few hours and now am wide awake with 3 or 4 hours left to sleep. Oh well… sleep is overrated isn’t it? LOL May your muse be with you today… (((HUGS)))
I have been bad. My health is taking over my life and recently I have let it. I have fallen into the pain and depression and stopped fighting for me. The one way I often fought back was through words. Reading, writing… any way to escape or let the pain out. I am not big on New Year’s resolutions but this post I got in a Pinterest email shook me awake to what I have been doing wrong. I have ignored some of the best self medication I had. That is going to stop. I am going to pick up books. I even got one for inspiration at Christmas called Poem Crazy. It was one I had checked out from the library and found the link in nature and words very inviting. However the nature part is on hold with wind chills in the negative teens. BUT I can work on all that is listed here. I am not out to write a novel or manuscript. I am out to maybe connect with that one person who needs to know they are not alone. Or the one reader who needs a lift on a bad day. Someone who is always kept from nature who might need to recall the smell of fresh-cut grass tickling his nose. I want to get back to writing. I want to find my inner discipline again and practice a little peace of mind with words. Practice they say make perfect… I’d settle for better.