Mumbles … Garner

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Garner… there are James and Jennifer.  A small town in Iowa that I had never heard of until tonight and of course it means to gather.  And I really need to garner my thoughts.  I am at a turning point in my life and things are going to change soon.  I need strength and hope.  I need courage and dreams.  While some of my friends tell me I have those things, I still wonder about them, especially the strength.

But I have been in a much darker place than “normal” recently and I can not stay there, so I have to take measures to help protect my mental health.  I am hoping these changes will not disrupt my regular life like this blog for example… if I am missing a day or two don’t worry, I will be back soon.  As it is I am slowly starting to catch up a bit.  At worst I was 15/16 days behind, now I am at the 4th so this being late on the 15th that would be 11 days behind.  I am getting there, slowly but surely.

So, changes happen Friday if all goes as planned. Wish me luck.  Now to try and squeeze in a couple more posts between now and then.


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – garner

Thoughts

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I didn’t give you permission

To treat me like a stranger

I never thought you would

Turn away from me

**

I didn’t give my consent

To have you change my life

I never thought you could

Leave me in such disarray

**

I didn’t give any approval

Of these lonely endless nights

I never thought you were the type

To put me on a shelf in the back

**

I didn’t give my authorization

To disrespect me so much

I now think that you did

Throw out the best of us


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – consent

Keep On Kicking

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Thoughts are all around me

I am swimming in the middle

Trying not to go under

Some are obstacles

That I must swim around

Others push me like the tides

And I fight to swim through

But ahead in the distance

I see what looks like shore

There is a welcoming warm light

There are so many thoughts

Can I ever get past them

Or through them to the other side

I turn around and look

At the distance I have traveled

It gives me hope

That maybe I can tread water

And not get lost in the chaos


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – swim

Every Single Day

I sit in silence and

I try to get my mind off you

But this is just like

Any other ordinary day

Your memories haunt me

I still feel your touch

I still smell your cologne

I still taste your lips

I am torn between

Wanting to remember everything

And wiping the slate clean

But today is just like yesterday

You consume my thoughts

And I wonder if someday

We might meet again


Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – ordinary https://fivedotoh.com/2020/06/14/fowc-with-fandango-ordinary/

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich from Pexels

No Other Choice

Contemplate…

Think…

Review…

Take this time

And gives things

A little bit of thought

We need our wits about us

During this stressful time

Be kind to each other

And especially to yourself

For we will make it through this

My heart says we have to

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – contemplate

Searching

I close my eyes

And lose myself

In random thoughts

Trying to tame

My poetic mind

And grasp some

Inspiration to write

From love to loss

From happy to sad

I have often

Written them all

But tonight’s thoughts

Are scattered and few

My muse is silent

And the words hidden

Leaving me with

A blank paper

And pen useless

If only for tonight

And tomorrow

I will once again search

For the words

I long to write

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – poetic

Inner Voices

“you’re not good enough”
“you ruined it”
“no one cares about you.”
“you’re so pathetic”
all the noise in my head
tries to knock me down
make me feel at fault
but I still look for a way
to silence the shouts
and let the whispers be heard
“you did great”
”you are loved by many”
“you are strong”
“you are beautiful”