Mumbles … Honest

This should just be a day like all the rest.  But to be honest, I am a bit of a wreck today.  Seventeen years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was treated with surgery, chemo and radiation and hasn’t come back.  However, I go in yearly now for my mammograms and every year, no matter how long ago my cancer was, I still worry it will return.  It is about an hour and forty-five minutes away from the test and I can hardly sit still.  I know the odds are in my favor logically, but every year I still worry.

Just a short time after my treatments were done, a woman I knew, who was going through cancer round three, was diagnosed and died from brain cancer.  Another woman I was acquainted with had to have a double mastectomy for her cancer.  I just think of how much worse it could have been or might become and I panic.

The test is a piece of cake.  I was smashed a lot that first year or two.  Nothing will ever be as bad as the needle localized biopsy when they had to leave me in the machine to insert a needle and then check to make sure they got it in the right place… I was probably in the machine 5 to 10 minutes, but it seemed like FOREVER.  So just a regular mammogram is easy.

I am going to try to read some more posts and keep my mind off things.  Worst is I probably won’t hear back from them until Monday or Tuesday.  Oh well, I do have my anxiety meds if I need them.  So, I will stop mumbling for now and go read some more blogs.  Anything to keep my mind busy.

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – honest