The darkness seeps in
The night takes hold
Everything is still
No sounds
Clouds shroud the stars
Stagnant air hangs firm
I carve a path ahead
Looking towards morning
Reaching for light
Searching for hope
Safe in knowing
The sun will rise again
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – carve
Tonight I am spellbound
In a trance
Taken away
Lost in a dream
Flying so high
And feeling so free
**
Then the venom did spew
And the enchantment ended
Pain in my body
Pain in my heart
Lingering doubts
And fears infiltrate
**
But I blame not you
Nor do I blame me
It’s my old nemesis anxiety
With her friend depression
Rearing their ugly heads
Stopping the joy
**
I sit in solitude
Missing so much
My life I once knew
The hope for the future
Instead I cry
So tired of me
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – spellbound
My head is pounding
And so is my heart
It feels like it could explode
One beat after another
Each stronger than before
Sounds begin to garble
Words no longer recognized
I have tunnel vision
And the air is thin
Not now please
Not again
But I have no control
Anxiety reigns again
Taking over my body
Twisting how it works
My heart too fast
My breathing rapid
And a million thoughts a second
Occupy my brain
All while I feel blinded
Numb really
To the world around me
I have no choice
I must just ride out the storm
Pray no dangers lurk
Because right now
I would never see them
Trust in my surroundings
I will make it to the other side
I may be exhausted
But I survived
One breath at a time
*****
Written for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) – anxiety
It’s a typical night for me
Fear takes hold
Threatens to take my air
Ties my body in knots
And leaves me sleepless
Just once I’d like to have
Sleep find me easily
Tensions leave me relaxed
And breathing to be routine
I dream of that day
My anxieties don’t rule me
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – typical
I feel so tired
Fatigue is dragging me down
I feel unwell
Just no energy inside
I feel uncertain
Emotions cloud my mind
I feel broken
My body is going on strike
~~~
If only there was a way
To squash these feelings
To erase the thoughts
To feel normal again
But alas…
I sit in my corner and wait
For the rare and illusive
Good day
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – squash
Why do you do this
Why do you tell me
Things that aren’t true
(You’re fat)
(You’re ugly)
(You’re weak)
(You’ll never be happy)
(You’ll never succeed)
(You’re a broken failure)
Why do you echo in my head
Nonstop every day
Spewing lies to bring me down
(You’ll never stop me)
(I am in control not you)
(You’re life is rubbish)
I will make you stop
I have power you see
I AM taking control
You will no longer bring me down
I am no longer alone
I have a team to help me
(But you trust no one)
STOP!
I trust me to know the truth
That feelings are not facts
And I have strength and hope
To live my life as I see fit
Without listening to your lies anymore
*****
Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge (FFFC) – #185
It is happening again
I feel the darkness sink in
Everything is murky
Out of focus
And so far out of reach
Then the air starts to leave me
I can’t take a breath
The water will drown me
It feels like impending death
One last time I burst upwards
Towards the light of hope
Reaching for your hand
Hoping you can find me
In this sea of fears
Where I feel myself
Drowning too often
Hoping your hand will guide me
Towards the comfort of shore
And your waiting friendship
Where I don’t feel so alone anymore
****
Written for Sadje’s prompt What Do You See (WDYS) #147
“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”
James Thurber
I saw a post once that said dwelling in the past was depression and always looking ahead was anxiety but enjoying the moment brought peace. Having both I can see the correlation. Take the time to be in the now and find all the good it has to give.
Past letters …
… a little something for the invisible hopeful masses
***
Quick
Call the hospital
Hurry
Fast
My heart is erratic
And my head is a mess
I fumble and mumble
I must be in duress
It all happened today
When you had something to say
You spoke to me
And I felt the glee
Of actually being seen
And not by someone mean
So hurry quick
Which doctor do I pick
One to stop my pounding heart
Or one to pick my brain apart
I do not know
Which way to go
What is this feeling
I know I’m reeling
No need to push and shove
I think it may just be love
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – hospital
She heard the word
Alone
And she was instantly on guard
Why should she care
If she had someone to call her own
Or if she lived alone
Was it really so bad
To spend time with herself
But she had lived
A lot of years with someone
Her parents, husband and daughter
And the quiet was suffocating her now
Left in that silent void
She had never felt so alone and scared
But she was trying
There were less tears now
And more acceptance
If she could just get past
The feeling she would forever be alone
Maybe she could find a friend in herself
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – instant
Leigha Robbins 