Lots of traffic
People driving fast
Unfamiliar surroundings
And crowds that are vast
Falling great heights
Tornadoes in the skies
Strangers at my door
People telling lies
Changes can be daunting
And hard to accept
Anxiety is for real
Give the feeling some respect
On edge
Fears swirling in my mind
So uneasy and panicking
I feel as nervous as a cat
Protecting its tail
In a room full of rocking chairs
But I can focus
And breathe slowly
Trying to calm the chaos
I will not let anxiety win
I will not forget
I have survived this before
It may feel like eternity
But it will pass
I just need to remember
To trust in myself
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – tail
It’s 2 am and my head should be on my pillow. Instead, I am sitting up typing unable to unwind. Sleep has been an issue for years. I don’t sleep deeply – the cat walking across the room often wakes me. I often have trouble shutting off thoughts enough to get to sleep. But one plus is that if I do wake up, I can usually get back to sleep in less than a half an hour.
Recently the doctor has been working on trying to find ways to get me to sleep and into a deeper sleep but trying to do so without leaving me sleepy still the next day. The most recent attempt first had me sleeping about 14 hours, a try at half the dose had me out for 12 hours. So, we are going to try to cut the dose down further, but after the first two attempts I don’t hold out much hope.
So, I turn on some of what I call meditation music on YouTube and try to relax. If that doesn’t work, I sometimes give in for a half an hour or so of solitaire on my phone… that will usually bore me enough to get tired. I do have “help” in my anxiety meds I take at night to unwind, or there are muscle relaxers for those nights I am really tensed up.
Tonight (or actually, this morning if you want to be technical) I tried to slow down the thoughts with an anxiety pill and will punch out a few words to maybe mumble myself to dreamland.
What do you do to get to sleep when you struggle with a wide awake night?
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – pillow
Today I decided to bring more light to the world. Today I ask you to do the same thing. Join me in posting something happy and upbeat, funny or serious but always sunny. It can be poems, stories (real or fiction), pictures, quotes or music. Let’s spread a little joy today. Encourage each other with a little positivity. If you want to spread that sunshine give me a link in the comments and we can light up the world together. #SunnySunday
I apologize for being a little late today. Was trying so hard to get a scheduled post done last night, but I fell asleep with the laptop open on my legs. I may have had a little help sleeping too. A dear friend I have known since childhood is in town and we were up past 2am playing a card game. Shanghai Rummy is a game I think I learned as early as 8 or 9 years old and so much fun on its own, add in a strawberry margherita and I was beat; happy but beat. So once again I am sorry. Now let’s get to business…
This week I am focusing on the positives. Keep trying and always move forward. Since I hit road bumps every now and then I need the occasional encouragement, that’s what this week’s poem is all about…
Step By Step
First step
Take a chance
Step outside your comfort zone
Second step
Relax
It is not as scary as your anxiety thinks
Remember to breathe
Third step
Be proud
You did it
And more importantly
You survived it
Final step
File today away
The sun was shining bright
And you made a difference
Know you can do it again
And you will
I want to try something. Let’s talk about things. Things that matter, things are not so important and outright silly things. Things that are strange and different, things that are timely, things that make us laugh or cry. Things that are on your mind and mine. And things that never crossed your mind. Let’s talk….
Today is a Monthly Monday. Here are a few of the awareness months we are celebrating in October. National Pitbull Awareness Month, Mental Health Month, National Substance Abuse Prevention Month, Breast Cancer Awareness, and Canadian Library Month. And that is just a few; I will share more next Monday.
Today in history in 1919 US President Woodrow Wilson suffers a near-fatal stroke. The drink Gatorade was invented in 1965 at the University of Florida. And in 1969 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first black Supreme Court justice. Today is World Day of Bullying Prevention, World Farm Animals Day, International Day of Non-Violence, National Custodial Workers Recognition Day, and Audiophile Day.
I think today we will talk about it being Mental Health Month. There is such a need for acceptance of mental health issues. It needs to be normalized. What you are comfortable talking about please think about these questions. Do you take notice when your mental health needs attention/a doctor’s visit? Do you have a routine in place for your mental health care? If you were to “wake up” in a crisis situation, would there be a place for you to go in your town or area? Let’s talk about these things…
I have made it no secret that I have clinical depression and anxiety disorders. I have over the years developed things that work for me when I am having difficulty with my mental health. I do see a therapist regularly. I am lucky to live in an area that has adequate mental health care at the current moment in time. In the past I did need to drive about 45 minutes to see a doctor who could prescribe medicine – those local either were not taking new patients or did not take my insurance at the time. I know there are some areas where there are no doctors or therapists within hours away.
What are your feelings about Mental Heath Month? Let me know in the comments or write your own post and give me the link here so I can find it. Mental health is not something to be ashamed of. It is no different than a broken bone or cancer… it needs treatment to be healed or managed. Help end the stigma!
Friday is hanging on by a thread in some parts of the country (I missed it by more than an hour here) but I am going to try and squeeze this into the day still. Time to dust off an old post from this date in a previous year. This week I am pulling up a Mumbles from 2019. Remembering gratitude is something I have to be reminded of every now and again… it really brings the day into a better perspective. Here is that post…
Mumbles … Grateful
This is something I did for a year; it should be easy. But I find my depression and anxiety standing in my way tonight. The word prompt for the day is grateful. And I know there is lot I should be and am grateful for, it’s just the voices in my head try to take the good things from me one way or another.
So, there is the obvious things like food, clothing and shelter, family and friends, words and music. But tonight, I am thankful for many things. After about 20 minutes of the power being out today, I have a stronger awareness of how grateful I am for air conditioning in this heat. I know there are those homeless that need to find a place that is cool and welcoming this time of the year. And some that don’t have air conditioning or just window units to cool one room.
Gratitude is something my doctor says I should embrace every day. It is something that we talk about at least once a month. It is something that can turn a day around if you just take a minute to notice what you have. They say the grass is greener on the other side, but I like my shade of green just fine. It is mine and I am grateful.
*****
For Fandango’s Flashback Friday (FFF) – July 21
I see him standing there
And reach out to grab his hand
But suddenly he is out of reach
I try to take a few steps
And the distance grows
The harder I try to get there
The further away he fades
I run and begin to panic
Stumbling and falling feeling desperate
He is there in the distance
But still forever out of reach
I wake up startled from the alarm clock
And look over and see him sleeping
I feel my heartrate begin to slow
As I breathe a sigh of relief
I touch his shoulder
Feeling the comfort of him near
And hope to never be apart again
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – stumble
Sitting in a row boat
I bob across the small waves
A slight breeze is blowing
And clouds play across the sun
Realizing I am too far from shore
I reach for the oars
They have vanished
Adrift on a large lake
No one aware I am there
I start to panic
The wind shifts
And the waves grow bigger
No life vest in sight
I feel the boat go over
Desperately I try to swim
My arms like anchors
Just weigh me down
I kick to stay above water
The boat is gone
It’s just me and the elements
Swallowing water
I know it wont be long
Then a hand reaches out
To calm my racing heart
Giving me security
That all will be ok
Life may try to pull me under
But you are there
To keep me afloat
You rescue me again
You are my lifeline
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – adrift
Running on empty
Teetering on the edge
Ready to surrender
I need to stop
Try and find a way
To reduce the noises
That bombard me daily
Those little annoyances
Become goliath in size
When I am overwhelmed
Breath by breath
I will slow down
Take things one at a time
And find a way through
To the other side of madness
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – reduce
I will not wavier
I will not flinch
My strength will sustain me
My power comes from within
I will not lose
I will not fall apart
My confidence wont fail me
My illness wont win
During this mental health awareness month of May, I write of an inner strength that is not present enough of the time. But it is present more than it used to be, and I continue to work on me. Break the silence, break the stigma. I am more than enough. #MentalHealthAwareness
*****
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – flinch
Leigha Robbins 