My Wish

If I had one wish
I would want this…
To be comfortable
In my own skin
Take the pain away
Take away the fears
Leave anxiety behind
And shake the depression
No more casting doubt
And shadows upon myself
Living with hope
And not inward hate
A chance to stop
Always blaming me
For maybe just this once
I could be happy
Being me

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – comfortable

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Instinct Overload

It sneaks up on me
In the middle of the day
It creeps in the shadows
Late at night
It twists my insides
Into knots of pain
It grasps my heart
And won’t let go
It distorts my view
Of a normal day
It destroys my peace
With its wild assumptions
… we need fear
As it’s a basic instinct
But can’t it just go away
If only for a day

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – fear

Will You? (FOWC)

Will you continue to be my friend…
When I forget to call
When I miss your birthday
When I can’t come to dinner
Will you continue to be my friend…
When I have a panic attack at your house
When I cry over the phone
When I reach out in desperation
Will you continue to be my friend…
When I can’t leave my house anymore
When I anxiety makes me physically ill
When I stay in bed for weeks from depression
Will you continue to be my friend?

 

Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – continue

Silent Questions

The awkward silence that follows
My sincere I love you…
The awkward silence eats me alive
Did I do something wrong…
The awkward silence slowly chokes me
Should I have never said a word…
The awkward silence fills me with anxiety
It has to be my fault…
The awkward silence forces me to think
You never loved me to begin with….

In The Perceived Spotlight

rapid heartbeat
Shallow breaths
The world turns grey
Muted sounds
Everyone stares
The walls are closing in
I can’t catch my breath
My heart beats like a drum
No more focusing on things
Everyone stares
The world is hazy
I feel like I’m dying
No air to breathe
I wish for peace
Everyone stares
Look away
I feel my world collapsing
This will be my end
No one to help me
And still everyone stares

Mumbles… #SemicolonDay2018

Today is an important day to me. It is a day where I celebrate my future. It is World Semicolon Day.

For those of you who do not know, this day is a day for suicide and mental health awareness. The semicolon represents a pause, and like in writing it is not the end of the story. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for more than 10 years now. While I never made an active attempt, I have had suicidal thoughts. I spent a night in the hospital because I was scared of the pills I had on the table beside me. I recognized I was in trouble and got help.

I wear a semicolon on my wrist today in support of others who have struggled. I wear it in honor of two friends who have both been to that point of desperation. For now it is just a temporary mark, but one day I hope to sit at the tattoo parlor and hear them crank up a needle machine for me again.

Do what you can to help someone continue their story. If you know someone who struggles with depression sometimes just being there can make the difference on a bad day. Recognize the symptoms of mental illness and suicide. To learn more go to Project Semicolon  or Lifeline  .

Your story is important and it is NOT over yet!

Always remember 911 for an emergency situations and (in the US) the suicide prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.