Fandango’s word for this post is rendition… my mind instantly goes to what rendition or cover song do I like best. But wait. Here is a little something different. I am actually not sure what it is a cover of… you’ll understand that after you hear it. Never heard anything like it before. I hope you enjoy it!
So which song is it a cover of or is it both?
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For Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – rendition
Slim. It can be a nickname. It can be a shape. But in my experience, it has been my chances – slim and none. Yes, I will admit it, I am feeling kind of down writing this, and I know when I write like this it comes out sounding whiney and I am not feeling whiney right now, so I am going to go through with this stream of consciousness and see where it lands me…. Phew, that was a long sentence to get out.
Fact – I have fibromyalgia and there is no cure. Chances there will be one in time to benefit me – slim and none.
Fact – I suffer from depression. I see two doctors (one for prescriptions and one to talk) on a regular basis. Will I ever see a week that is all sunshine and roses? Chances are – slim and none. (But in reality, does anyone?)
Fact – My worst symptom with my illnesses is fatigue. Not tired, not sleepy but body dragging, a nap does nothing, fatigue. Chances I will ever wake up feeling refreshed again – slim and none.
These are the facts of mylife, and I am learning to accept them. I do NOT like them, but I am growing closer to no longer trying to fight them. (Notice I said closer… it is still a struggle, I won’t lie) There are other things, but they tend to be more grey subjects than the clear black and white.
I had a good day today. Talked to a very dear friend, spent video time with my boyfriend and had enough energy to try out my new air fryer (works pretty well) on some chicken for dinner. But it is nighttime now.
For me nighttime means a spike in depression, a culmination of the days’ worth of pain and if I have napped at all with the fatigue, sometimes (although I still feel fatigued) I can’t sleep. So, I sit here listening to the cats chase each other, the clock ticking and wonder. Wonder is a word that can get you in trouble – especially with depression and a bonus if you throw in a bit of an anxiety disorder too.
Wondering makes you doubt things, fear things and out and out “know” things that aren’t true. So, I try to distract myself. Writing is sometimes a distraction and sometimes a magnifier. Tonight, I think I am more impartial, or trying to be. But those damn negative thoughts still echo in time to the clock.
Tick-tock, tick-tock… and in the thoughts pop – “You’re a loser.” “You are disabled and worthless.” “You make people turn away from you.” I have lost some things in life. I am disabled but I keep trying. And yes, I have lost friends and family from these diseases, but I am not alone.
I guess where my mumblings take me tonight is to hope. There may only be a slim chance, but it is a chance and if that is all you have to hold onto; grab it as tight as you can and DON’T LET GO!
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Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – slim
Fandango asks us each Friday to look back in our archives for work posted on this date that we would like to dust back off and bring to light again… this was originally published in 2017.
I didn’t set out to write about Dad, it just kind of happened. I guess it was because he has been on my mind for many reasons including Father’s Day this past weekend. It is often a tug of war… I want to still see him in my mind, I just want it to be something other than his last breath over and over again.
Written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (FOWC) – thought
Leigha Robbins 